This person decided not to come back to work with me. He wasn’t ready to live well, nor was he in the right state of mind, heart or spirit to die well.
I remember, about ten years ago, lying in my tent in the middle of winter feeling much like my dear client, overwhelmed by the challenges of life, and wanting desperately to escape them, ready to die. I had begged the Creator to take my poor dear body back to the earth. I had been in severe, chronic pain for fourteen months that was totally distracting me from living well, living ‘my good life’, as another client once described it.
That afternoon in my tent, when I had totally surrendered my life to death, I was at a folk festival and camping with a friend, a doctor by chance. I had sent a text to my friend and asked her not to disturb me if she came back to camp, as I was ‘sleeping’. Lying on my healing blanket, I had surrounded myself with my beautiful sacred drum, my flute and all my healing bundle of crystals and sacred waters and objects. The Spirit of Death had heard my call, and was close. I could feel its comforting breath join my own as the pain left my body first, and then I felt my body start to give way and detach from my spirit. Soon I became one with my Spirit – then “crash, bang”, a loud noise awakened me from outside my tent. Someone had come to our camp and had put the kettle on right outside me tent!!
Coming suddenly out of my death trance, my spirit rushing back to my body, I poked my head out of my tent and enquired what the woman was doing. She said my friend had suggested to her that she use our kettle for a warm drink as it was closer than her own kettle at her camp! She sensed my mood and quickly filled up her mug and moved on.
My body-pain strong again, and I went back inside my tent to continue the journey of surrender to Death. Again, I reached the pathway to the gate of transcendence, when the flap of my tent was loudly unzipped an opened suddenly! My friend threw herself on top of me and said “What do you think you are up to?” The woman with the mug had told her she had best check on me.
Crying in my beautiful, compassionate friend’s arms, I told her how I couldn’t stand the pain anymore. It was too much. My heart and spirit were broken. She soothed me until I settled, and then she went off to fill my thermos with lemon and ginger tea from a nearby food stall. Returning with the divine, healing tea, we sat together and talked about the options for moving forward. Clearly, it was not my time to leave the planet. Clearly, there was another way, but what? How? The answers began to come the next morning, and I will tell you more about that later.
Not a day goes past when we don’t ask the Universe for help – but are we/you doing it consciously, or is that plea hidden amongst sorrow and disappointment, grief, despair, pain and anger?
Recently, only a few weeks ago, I was reminded of the power of my thoughts when I was told by my doctor (not my friend who I spoke of earlier) that an MRI had shown there was a small lesion on my skull that could be the reason behind severe migraines that I had been suffering. As soon as she told me and showed me in a diagram what was happening, I felt a rush of power surge through me as I realised my emotional body had created this, and that it could also heal it. The doctor had actually told me on the phone a week earlier when I was interstate that they had found something in the MRI results, but it was only now I had been physically able to sit with her and talk about it.
In that week from first hearing the news, and then seeing and comprehending more fully what was going on, I had practised everything I knew to self-heal what had been manifested unconsciously. This wasn’t the first time I had turned inward for the resources to support my body to heal. There had once been a cyst in my pancreas, and later a lump in my breast, and I had managed in those times to convince my body to reverse its manifestation and coax wayward cells back to health, without medical intervention. My youngest son had, fifteen years earlier, also successfully met the challenge of pulling up and healing an active benign brain tumour, after two rounds of surgery couldn’t get the results we were looking for. So, hearing this news didn’t throw me into panic, rather it turned on every creative and spirited button in my brain and psyche!
With great results!
The same day I saw my doctor I had, a cat scan, and twenty-four hours followed where I spent time in rest, prayer and positive visioning and co-creation. The next day, in the doctor’s office, the results showed… whatever had been there was now gone!
How could that happen you may ask?
After first hearing the news about ten days earlier, I took the following steps towards this great gift and second chance to live My Good Life more consciously; step one being how I received the news. Please be aware I am not suggesting you take these steps, and will put in a number of alerts to remind you that you need to take good care to have empathic and expert medical supervision if you are going through any illness.
My Personal Steps to Healing:
- Hearing the news from my doctor by phone, I watched, witnessed and felt fear make a brief visit. I closed my eyes, breathed deeply and processed these observations lovingly through my heart instead of my head.
- Thought to call someone, but then decided instead to contain my energy until I had seen my doctor in person, taken in and was clear about what I had heard, had the results of the cat scan, and was clear about my next step.
- Put it all to the back of my mind, held by the wisdom and love of my heart energy, until I had time to sit with it consciously.
- Any time the Voice of Anxiety rose to the surface, I smiled, blessed it and let it go.
- Anytime the Voice of Wisdom arose, I listened to it, and observed how my body felt about what it had to say.
- Arranged a quiet time, without any family members present, to ring my psychotherapist and talk through the experience, calmly going through the options and deciding the steps I would take. One of the decisions I made was that she would be the only person I would to talk to about it until I saw the doctor, after which I would have clearer information about what I was actually facing. This was not the time to take on the projections and fears of others and my family had had two members managing cancer, and surgery, in the past eighteen months. Containment felt right and good in my body and my breath was strong and deep when I tuned into that decision. In the past, I had shared all important medical news with family members, but this time I felt to do it differently. I had grown much stronger over the years, and more able to self-manage by turning to the support I have innately within me, which is a strong foundation built by my daily spiritual practice. Alert: You may choose to share the news with loved ones. Please always seek professional and personal support on your journey if you are distressed and disturbed by news of any sort.
- Turned to all shamanic tools and psychotherapeutic and counselling/coaching wisdom I knew to support me, as follows:
- Connected and gave thanks to all beings who support me in my rich World Within, stating what help I needed. I used my co-creation prayer mantra to support any invitations I put out to them and the Universe for help.
- Began a daily Mindful, Deep Shamanic Breathing and Creative Visioning Meditation that lasted between 20 minutes and three hours, depending on what revealed itself to me. Part of this process included tracking my body to the source of creation, to past woundedness that contributed to the manifestation that had appeared for correction in my body. At other times, it involved future visioning and sensory healing processes, where I imagined my ‘good life’ and stepped fully into feeling and experiencing wellness and vitality, bringing the future into the present moment. Alert: These are processes that you would do well to seek professional guidance with if you are facing, or have faced, deep trauma on your healing journey.
- Began a 33-day co-creation Art-Mandala-Journal Quest where I drew a circle of gratitude, and then filled the mandala with line, shape, and colour representing what I was facing, tracking whatever showed up in that moment back to its source, and flooded it with healing energy and love. This was a safe container for my Inner Child and Wounded Ego states to reveal themselves and be heard, loved and healed. Alert: Always seek professional help for managing or attempting to heal past trauma that feels unmanageable or is likely to re-traumatise you.
- Immediately stopped putting anything into my body that would support the growth of wayward cells, for example sugar and processed carbs, turning gratefully to organic and nutritious foods and supplements to support my body into the best immune health possible. Having had a lot of experience in this, it has been relatively easy to do this. Alert: it is always best to see a professional who is an expert in this field.
- Turned gratefully to a number of my favourite exercise regimes and increased these, with the idea that they would help to release the toxins as they came up to be healed. I also practised Mindfulness while exercising, and Creative Visioning techniques where I would allow whatever was resisting my healing to come and walk, dance or move with me and listen to their needs. I allowed and encouraged my body to move the energy attached to these experiences from inside to outside of me. The trees and earth and nature spirits supported the energies that came up and the light through movement helped to heal them. Alert: It is always best to seek professional guidance when you are learning new self-healing techniques.
- Immediately stopped any toxic or fearful thoughts that would feed the growth of wayward cells, which I imagined as wounded parts of me seeking love, compassion and healing. This made it necessary for all low-vibrational future or past memories to be stopped in their tracks immediately. It also meant having no contact with anyone who I knew would not be able to listen empathically and objectively without giving their own opinion and advice, and who would project their own fear onto me and what I was facing. I turned to my art mandala and co-creation mantra to manage any internal dialogue that persisted in draining my energy. When there was time a little later, I saw a psychotherapist and a shamanic healing practitioner to assist with this process with great results. Alert: Always seek professional help for managing or attempting to heal past trauma that feels unmanageable or is likely to re-traumatise you.
- Made a list in my head of all those people in my life who I gratefully trusted to energetically support me well at this time and who I knew would trust and support the decisions I made for myself, and decided at what stage I would reach out to them. I followed through with this as the time presented itself.
- Listened gratefully to podcasts of Wise Experts who know about, trust and support spontaneous remission and healing. This step was easy because, ‘just by chance’ (the Universe provided the answer to my co-creation prayer mantra) Hay House emailed me free access to these as they released their Heal Summit which synchronistically started in the middle of my healing quest.
- Watched for synchronicities and took immediate action when the Universe clearly answered my co-creation prayer mantra and showed me the way!
- Took every opportunity to rest and restore, and allow my body, heart, mind and spirit to work together to heal with the support of my rich internal and external resources. Gratitude and prayer supported me constantly, especially my co-creation prayer mantra.
- Any time anything came up for healing while I rested, I turned to my Art Mandala Process and other shamanic tools to gently work through it to hold a safe, healing space and transform all energy into love and light. My mission was, and is, to conserve, create and expand light energy at all times, rather than expend it. At the times when I was called to expend and invest energy, I did this consciously, exploring any anger or grief for instance, listening well to my Inner Guidance and called my Wise Observer and Witness to hold sacred space for this processing. I called in my Ancestors and spirit guides to support my Inner Child or other wounded Archetypes that presented along the way. Always giving thanks for whoever showed up.
- Formally celebrated and gave thanks for the good news I received, going to a sacred space in nature to do this with a dear friend who closely shares my journey. She has recently recovered from a health-awakening journey herself, so we shared the celebrations.
- I continue to support myself with a manifesto of commitments to living, loving and leading My Good Life!
Long time ago, huddled in my healing blanket with my Sacred Drum, Flute, and Healing Bundle, I met the Spirit of Death face to face. Two weeks ago, this spirit whispered lovingly in my ear again. A loving, kind, gentle spirit, I knew then, and know now, that she is close to me and is always willing for me to feel her loving embrace. However, at that time, as now, I was reminded that it is none of my business when the Spirit of Death is to finally take my hand and walk me through the Golden Gates home. This is the business of Whole-Soul-Collective-Conscious-Creator Spirit. I can trust my own soul, which is part of the collective soul of the Universe, to know when the time of physical death is divine and perfect. In the mean-time, then as now, it is my business and responsibility to fully embrace and dance with The Spirit of My Good Life, right here on Planet Earth, supported by the Cosmic Light Beings who watch over me/you/us. Supported also by the divine guides, teachers, animal and plant spirits, healers, angelic beings and ancestors who live in the worlds within and around us. There is also the realisation that I am part of a great web of co-creation, supporting, serving, and playing my part for soul sisters and brothers, and for humanity and cosmic consciousness, whom I love and commune with every day. It is my mission to live consciously and conscientiously, and to commit to My Good Life, by taking actions every day toward spirited living, loving, and leading.
Thank you for sharing this journey with me. Mahalo. Haux!
If you are interested in learning more about the Co-creation Prayer Mantra or Mandala Processes, please contact me to go on a mailing list for future information the on-line courses I am offering around these. Or come to my mandala co-creation nights in Surry Hills if you live in Sydney. Thank you.
Love and Gratitude Always