What does it mean not to belong?
When we turn to the Sacred Circle Map of consciousness to examine this question more carefully – it may mean a number of things:
East: The place of Spirit and Identity and what gives life deeper meaning. In this place if you feel you don’t belong you will feel a loss of identity and purpose, a constant questioning of why I am really here? I don’t feel like I am walking authentically, like something is missing. I feel disconnected to my core. I don’t feel like Earth is my home, my soul feels like it comes from somewhere else.
North: The place of the Physical – Health and Wealth and Place: In this place you don’t feel like you belong in your body – or perceive that you look out of place others. Perhaps your body may not feel right to you – like you don’t belong in it – you are disconnected from it. Your body may not be well, and it feels like it can’t settle anywhere. You may not have a home of your own, or feel like anywhere is home. You may feel on the outside of your work place, like you should be somewhere else. Perhaps you feel like you don’t belong economically – like you should have more or less than others.
West: The place of the Heart and Connection – to family, to loved ones, to your tribe. You may feel alone, like you are wondering the earth without a partner or soul mate, or your tribe. You may feel like the black sheep in your family or community or society. You are wondering, looking for a place to fit in, to find your tribe. Your love is not flowing in or out. Your heart may be struggling to be open, forgiving and resilient.
South: The place of the Mind, Knowledge, Mental Health, Clarity and Wisdom – and what is clear, your place of planning and intention. Here you attempt to comprehend through logic and science what life is all about. When you don’t feel like you belong, you may be in your head comparing yourself to others, to what is expected, to what is the ‘norm’. It doesn’t make sense to you that others are thinking and doing things so differently to you. Your mind cannot settle, it seems to be thinking through things in a different way to those around you. You are not clear about the direction ahead. You may be constantly in ‘two minds’ about things, questioning, doubting, and indecisive. The archetypes of Critic, Doubter, and Saboteur are strong in you.
Knowing why you don’t feel like you belong is the first step in understanding what you can do about it. If you would like to read more about this or be guided into how to create a deeper sense of belonging, please follow this link to my blog.
The Sacred Circle will guide you if you allow it to. If you get into the habit of deciding which part of the circle of Whole Self is out of balance, you can look directly across the circle for your answers, or to either side, or both.
When you are feeling like you don’t really know who you are and have lost your spirit, your confidence and mojo, cross the circle to the heart. Practice thinking kindly and gratefully about others for a while, and make an effort to connect with someone or a friend who is looking for support, or do some volunteer. Be ready to give, rather than focusing only on receiving. Instead of seeking approval from others, pay attention and listen well to others, affirming and reassuring them that they are on the right track. You may also distract yourself physically, do some exercise and draw on mindfulness techniques, being present and grateful for what you have in your life right now, rather than focusing on the Wounded Heart that is fixated on ruminating and looking back, or yearning for something more in the future. Command your spirit – the essence of who you are and the Seeker that goes out searching for what you need – to come fully into your body. Pull it in like a kite through the tope of your head. Make place for it to come home to inside of your body. Close your eyes and call it lovingly in. Rub the top of your crown in a clockwise motion to seal it in. Breathe into your spirit; bring it home with the words “This is where you belong, welcome home”.
When you are not comfortable in your home or body or job, or financial situation – cross the circle to your mind and see what is going on there. Are you constantly criticising others and yourself? Do you think negatively from the minute you wake up to the minute you go to bed? Are you mindful of your thoughts, of your words, your reactions, and your actions? Do you give thought to the energy you are radiating out to the world? Do you think a lot but not actually put your plans into action? Are you committed to follow through on your ideas? Reframing your thoughts consciously will assist you to feel like you have more power over your circumstances, at least how you react to them. In time, with practice, you will be seeing your life from a more positive perspective, and hopefully feeling more embracing of your life, therefore more like you belong. Gratitude is the key here, and the awareness of the law of attraction. Be grateful for the simple things that nurture your each day into wellbeing. Be grateful to your body in all its shapes and sizes, and take care of it. If you use your mind to think of your body as a growing child’s body, a child that you love, you may be more willing to take good care of it, nurturing it into the body you feel more comfortable in as you go. Take time each day to give thanks for wherever and whatever you wake up to. ”This is where I belong today, I am grateful for the roof over my head, for the clothes on my back, for the warm food in my belly, thank you”.
When you feel emotionally distant, unable to share and receive love, then go to the other side of the Circle, into the realm of Spirit, and your own individual spirit. Search out the qualities within you that you are grateful to have. Spend time taking care of yourself, having a massage, going to uplifting meet-ups, connecting with the Higher Realms. When you connect with your guides and inner teachers and angelic beings of lights, your ancestors, you feel supported and loved from the inside out. Try smiling at yourself, and at the world and the circumstances you are in. Find ways to ‘lift’ and illuminate your spirit, from the inside out. Practice sharing your love through loving and kind thoughts about others. A very courageous action will be to allow yourself to authentic and vulnerable, taking time to connect with others by listening well, and sharing more deeply of the essence of whom you are. More eye contact, more gentle touching on the shoulder or offering a helping hand. “I allow myself to connect with others today, and with the guiding spirit within me. I radiate out my love and joy in kind and compassionate ways at every opportunity”. Or you might try some affirming declarations: “I am daughter of the earth, Daughter of the Son, Granddaughter of the Moon, the Earth is my home, this is where I belong today, thank you, and let it be so, and so it is”.
When your mind is over stimulated, your thoughts scattered and or negative, take a walk across to the other side of the circle – to the place of the physical. It is time to get into your body – go for walk, ground your self in mindfulness techniques, where you are fully present in the moment, feeling every part of your physical body, taking in the colours and shapes of your surroundings and connecting with the energy of the places you are in. Take some time to connect with and nurture the earth, water the garden dig the weeds out, plant some seedlings. Or lay down on the earth and connect your heart with the heart of the earth, in love and gratitude. Think about the ancestors who walked before you and give thanks to them, asking them to guide you to the truth and the way that will assist you to claim your right to be here today, and to forge new pathways and make your difference. Affirm yourself lovingly of this right, and sit for a while and write down all the positive aspects of your life. Perhaps set a quest for 8 days, where you write out something to support you on your journey. Write this out 8 times in as many ways as you want to, to make the message of your declaration clear and true. Bring feelings and senses into the statements to active and open your heart, and to inspire your spirit to come into alignment with the present moment of time, right here, right now. “I feel”, “I hear”, I see”, “I know”, “I am…”. Finish the quest with “For the Highest good let this be so, and so it is” – it feels so good to do this! Another powerful mind technique is to step back and be the Observer of what is happening around you. Don’t question it or get hooked into its energy – just step back and watch it flow past in front of you. Send it to the earth with your breath, write it out, speak or sing it out – all the while watching it moving through rather than being seduced into believing it is true. “Better out than in” – as the unconscious can be a powerful Saboteur. More than anything, what you mind needs is structure, discipline, a daily practice of guiding into harmony with time – into the present moment, into stillness, into love.
A wonderful declaration to challenge any limiting beliefs that surface and claim space in your mind is: “I now lovingly and gratefully accept and embrace the bounty, beauty and blessings of this planet, my home, today, right here and right now. I feel open minded, loving and alive. I see light all around me and hear sounds of laughter and joy. I am smiling as I say to myself, “I belong” “. Try the 8 x 8 Creative Creation Quest (write out the declaration 8 times each day for 8 days. At the end of the 8th time of writing each day – complete with “For the highest good of all let this be so, and so it is”) with this declaration and sit back and observe what happens around you over the next moon cycle. Perhaps begin with what I have written here, and if you feel guided to write something else, please follow that. It is important for you to feel moments of connectedness and authenticity with what you are writing.
I hope your day goes well for you and would love to hear your feedback on this. What do your think about what I have said here? Does it ring true for you? Are there other times and places when you feel you don’t belong – with your lover perhaps, as a mother or father, or in other roles you play? When do you feel most like you do belong? What helps you to connect to others that may be useful for others hear to read about and consider for themselves?